The Pain Felt by Those Left Behind

The Pain Felt by Those Left Behind

It is hard for the rest of us to understand the emotional pain our loved one was suffering. But pain is certainly what they were suffering; more painful than a heart attack, more painful than a broken leg.

Most likely they were depressed, their brain chemistry all over the place. They could only dwell on painful negative thoughts. Thoughts that weren’t true but seemed totally believable at the time.

Their thinking was totally at odds with reality and they definitely would not have fully considered the long term effects of suicide, or the lifelong pain that you are and will continue to experience.

They were no doubt convinced they were absolutely right in thinking “They’ll be better off without me”.

But there are no winners with suicide; Nobody is better off after a suicide

A suicide leaves behind a trail of unanswered questions, despair, guilt and blame that can lead to family breakdown. Parents, brothers or sisters can feel so terrible about not being able to help, not even being aware of the pain their loved one had been suffering that their lives fall apart. Sometimes the guilt and pain is so unbearable that they take their own lives, often on the birthday or another relevant anniversary of the person who suicided. 

Your loved one will have convinced themselves that “They’ll forget about me”.

They will definitely not have thought of the impact on the person finding their lifeless body. 

How could you ever forget?

It’s not something you forget. The news of a suicide is not something anyone forgets. Every year, week or month you will ask yourself what you should have done to help, how you could have stopped it. 

They will have convinced themselves that you wouldn’t understand

More often than not they won’t have told anyone how they felt, they would have put on a brave front, laughed, joked and generally hidden the intense pain they were suffering.  Depression is not an obvious illness, you may not have realised how badly they were suffering. They would probably have thought you wouldn’t have understood, you wouldn’t get it, or that you wouldn’t have been able to handle it.

But you would have helped had you known

If you were drowning or in an accident, your friends and family would rush to help you! You would have done everything possible to help.

Hearing about their suffering would most likely have surprised or shocked you

Being told they had died by suicide was a million times worse.

No one feels better after a suicide

It doesn’t matter how many arguments or problems a family might have. There is no family that feels better off after someone dies from suicide.

You may also be at risk

Unfortunately, there is a risk of you yourself developing depression as a result of the shock of this event. If the emotional pain is not starting to improve within a few months see your own doctor. Australian research has indicated that at least forty per cent of people develop depression following the death of someone close to them, so that they now have two conditions to deal with, a normal grief reaction plus a depressive illness needing treatment.

Life changes all the time, hold on!